Demise of an Innocent
by ImmortalMonkeyX
Summary: When Spencer decides it just not worth it any more. Rated M for Suicide.
1. Taking a Leap

Sorry for any horrible, horrible errors. Please let me know so I can fix them thanks!

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><p>It'll be simple, easy. That's what he keeps telling himself. Over in a flash, no one will notice his disappearance form his desk at the BAU until at least tomorrow lunchtime. No one will care until lunchtime because they only want to speak to him when they need a stupid fact or statistic from him that they are too lazy to Goggle themselves.<p>

Spencer Reid had always been on the outside of society and its normal expectation, too smart not to know when to shut up and too small to defend him self when other decided the only way to get him to shut up was to punch him, kick him, humiliated him.

Reid had thought long and hard about what he was about to do. _Was it really worth it?_ He was standing in the bathroom, with a thick piece of rope in his hands. Running the rope through his fingers, flipping in from one hand to another.

He had heard many times in his life that suicide was the cowards way out, and in this moment he couldn't help but disagree. Spencer was terrified. His heart was beating to times fast, his breathing was coming out in short fast gasps, his palms had started to sweat, all the while his brain went over every suicide fact he knew.

_In 2007, it was the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S. And for males the seveth leading cause._

_An estimated 11 attempted suicides occur per every suicide death._

_Firearms, suffocation, and poison are by far the most common methods of suicide_

_Over 34,000 people in the United States die by suicide every year._

_Oh God_ Spencer thought _I'm going to become another statistics_. Although it could be seen as slightly poetic a man that spent his whole life learning every piece of knowledge, was now about to become a piece of that Spencer could not see it as so, but rather he saw it a just another fail of his life.

He failed to protected himself from bullies, he failed to stop his Dad from leaving, he failed to shield his mother from her illness and the proceeded to send her away to a mental institute, he wasn't able to stop himself from being kidnapped and then proceeded to become an addict.

He had failed more than just these times in his life, but these seem to stand out to him circling over and over again in his head. His house phone ringing snapped him out of thinking. Reid let it continue ringing, it was most likely someone trying to sell him cheaper electricity or something pointless like that, no one at this time of night would be calling him.

Thank to the phone breaking him out of his mind, Reid began to put his final plan into motion, throwing one end of the rope over the shower rail Spencer pulled a tight knot to hold it securely into place. Pulling back on the rope he made sure that the rope was going to hold his weight.

"_Hey Reid" _apparently he was wrong about the who was calling him, _"It's me Morgan…Well I guess you already knew that…Anyways, erm, look I don't know really how to say this" _Morgan hesitation made Reid stop what he was doing. Hesitation and Morgan are normally not two things you hear in one sentence. Morgan was the type of guy that lived by the motto "tackle now, ask questions later". _"It just that you seemed really out of it at work to day and being honest you been out of it for a while. Anyhow I decide that you might want some company, you know cheap beer and a bad movie, so I'm on my way over to yours, I'm gonna guess that you didn't pick up because you did hear the phone as you are buried deep in some cold fusion book. See ya in a bit"_

"Crap." Whisper Reid he couldn't go back on his plan now. Not after he final work up the never to do it he couldn't continue to live how he was living. He would go threw with his plan, Reid decide even though it would be Morgan to find his body hanging life less. He had too.

Turning rod Reid locked the bathroom door in hopes that that would slow Morgan down a bit as he prayed to a god that he didn't believe in that he locked his front door also.

Tuning back round Spencer looked at the rope, at his demise, from the single item that would take him from this world and into that unknown

As quickly as he could he tied the other end in to a noose that would fit over his head stood up upon the bath ledge put the noose over his head finding it tight round his neck. _Why was he complaining about that?_

Taking a deep breath Reid closed his eyes and hoped his mother would forgive him for what he was about to do. A quick spark of guilt ran threw him _who would look after his mother now that he was gone? _But it was too late thoughts like that could not save him now, he had made his choice it was now time to stick to it.

He took another deep breath put his foot out in front of him and jumped.

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><p>Hope you liked it. Please review to let me know. Thanks for reading.<p> 


	2. Derek's Side

**Ok so I wasn't going to write this, so it may suck.**

Morgan sat at his desk, absentmindedly throwing a crumpled up piece of paper up in the air over and over again as he stared off into to space, looking back over the past week, the past months even.

It all seemed so odd, so sudden, one day Spencer was laughing, chatting happily about useless and slightly confusing facts and just generally being…well…_Reid-like_. On the other hand now Morgan had notice how he was behaving recently.

Reid now act cold and uncaring to his team mate- _his family_- and the world in general. He abruptly stop telling facts and stories, stop laughing at jokes now one understood, instead he just stood on the out side of thing looking in barley speaking unless asked a direct question, to which he would reply with the shortest of answers.

This behaviour had worried Morgan since the moment it appeared, however Morgan just brushed it of, thought of it as nothing and blamed is over-stressed and imaginative mind on the problems he was seeing in Reid.

However Morgan cold no longer blame his mind on the things his was see concerning one resident genius, Morgan no longer felt like he was being stretched out too thin or that his work would perhaps swallow him whole. But still Reid continue to act distanced from the world and walk around like a lost zombie. That is if zombies ever got lost.

_That's it; no more thinking just go over to Reid's. The paper work you're meant to be doing will still be here in the morning, everyone else has already left so its time to stop thinking and start doing._ Morgan worked himself up.

Hurriedly packing away if incomplete files, Morgan shoved his coat on, grabbed his car keys out of his desk draw and left the bullpen area and got into the elevator.

_God Reid best bet his ass that he is fine._

On the way to Reid's apartment Morgan tried calling his home phone, only for it to ring and eventually go to voice mail.

Before Morgan really had time to contemplate why Reid didn't pick him he found himself outside of Reid's apartment door. Quickly, so not to have enough time to turn away and mentally yell at himself for being idiotic, he raised his fist to the door and knocked. "Reid dude it me, Morgan." He yelled out his usual saying when he came round the genius house, as said genius had a tenancy to let the door go unanswered if he didn't know who was knocking.

Hearing no reply, or movement Morgan started to panic _what if Reid had tripped and knocked himself unconscious, or what if someone else got inside his apartment…Wait, wait, wait Morgan slow down there he is probably not in, he does go out to the library and the coffee shop way to often no need to go in to crazy FBI mode over someone not answering a god damn door, and it going out would explain the whole not answering the phone thing._

Morgan was about to turn away and go home; with the hope the he would still have the courage to talk to the kid tomorrow. That was until he heard a loud _thump!_ Come from inside Reid's place. "Reid man come on open the door." Still getting no form of reply Morgan decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Damn pretty boy if you are just messing with me you are so going to be sorry." Morgan shouted through the door. Before silently whispering to him self that he hope Reid was just messing with him.

Taking a couple of steps back away from the door to give Morgan a running start, he took a deep breathe and charged towards the door turning slightly at the last second so all of Derek's weight focused on his left shoulder as he slammed into to Reid's door, and ultimately opening it.

Stumbling somewhat into Spencer's apartment Derek noticed how truly (and if not a little bit disturbing) how quiet the apartment was. No white noise such as a hum of and electrical appliance, or even a boiler grumbling as it heated the place. Nothing other than dead, eerie silence.

That was until Morgan heard a sharp gasp of breathe coming from down the corridor "Spencer!" he called out. "Reid you there?" taking a step into the unknown Morgan walked down the hallway, until he was standing outside of a door from where he heard the gasp come from. "Spencer-man you in there?" knocking on the door in front of him Morgan still got no answer. "Seriously, this isn't funny." Fear had once again started to creep over Morgan.

Deciding that he had enough of waiting and that he would throttle Reid if he was mucking about Derek open the door to the bathroom.

**Please let me know what you think.**

**Also there will most likely only one more chapter, and you make hate the ending for it. Sorry xoxo**


	3. Memories

**Beta'd by RbtlSR**

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><p>"Oh god Reid, oh God no, no!"<p>

_"Hello what is your emergency?"_

"H-ell-oh God my friend. Spencer come on! Please my friend, he just- oh God Spencer wake up pretty boy."

_"Sir, take a deep breath and explain to me what happened."_

"Spence…"

"Sir we need you to get out the way so we can help your friend." Calm? How could he sound calm?

Moving fast. Sirens. 'Clear!' Swerve to the left. 'Come on kid don't do this to me.' Morgan can't comprehend what's going on around him, it going to fast, he can't keep up. All he can do is stare at Reid's emotionless face, at his bruised neck, at his still chests.

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><p>"Morgan! We got here a soon as we could!" arms were flung around him in a colourful haze. "Please tell me everything's alright, that Reid's alright."<p>

Morgan couldn't answer, for he did not know; he'd been sitting in a waiting room chair, doing just that, waiting. Instead of answering he just clung back at the crying woman sitting on his lap.

"I'm so sorry, we did everything we could…"

"What! No! That's not right! Not Reid! He's just a kid!" Morgan wanted to hit something. To wake from this nightmare. To see Spencer.

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><p><strong>Six Months Later…<strong>

"Hotch you wished to see me." Morgan said in a tired, robotic voice. Just like everything else that had been said in the last half a year by the once lively, but now emotionless, agent.

"Yes please shut the door and sit down." Hotch replied, pointing at the chair opposite him on the other side of the desk, without looking up from his paper work. Why that man still had paper work was a mystery, it was 8:00 pm, everyone else had left yet Hotch was still here.

Finishing off signing the last paper for the night Hotch looked up at is subordinate across from him. The results were not good; Derek had lost a spark in him when Spencer had passed. The whole team had leaned on each other for help and regained some of the spark, but Derek had exiled himself.

"Derek, I know how hard it is with Spencer gone, we are all going through it. hen Halloween came around and there was no one dressed up as Frankenstein or talking about some creepy puppet show. We all felt that gap, we all still feel that gap in the conference room, that empty chair. We are all going through it." Hotch had decided that he couldn't let another agent of his die because once again he didn't intervene in hopes that if he didn't get involved, none of the higher ups would ever have to find out. He had discovered that that never helps.

"Look is there a point to this other than stating the god damn obvious?" Morgan had crossed his arms and was defiantly looking away from Hotch.

"The point is that you haven't spoken to anyone about Reid, and whenever Reid is mentioned you storm out the room. Morgan I can't lose another agent – hell, another friend, to depression because I didn't step in. You need to talk about this."

Seeing Morgan's defensiveness and still unresponsive face, Hotch sank in his seat, fearing once again he had been too late.

"There's one thing- one thing I didn't get" Hotch sat back up and held his breath, praying that Morgan would continue, that he had stepped in just in time.

"Why did he hang himself? I mean why not overdose, everyone knew about drug addiction, why not go out in the way that he must have been craving. Or why not slit his wrist? H-Hanging..." Derek let out a deep pain filled sigh and ran his hands over his face. "Hanging is a- is a painful way to die. Why didn't he take the simpler option?" Morgan had obviously been very distressed over this question, having it played it over and over in his mind. Losing sleep over that one question: _Why did he make it painful for himself?_

It was Hotch's turn to let out a deep sigh, he too had had this question plague his nightmares. "Derek." Hotch leaned forward and looked straight at Morgan. "Spencer lived his whole life under the ideology that he always failed, his dad leaving him, having to put his mum in institution, the bullying he experienced, Gideon leaving and all those other so called 'failures' that happened in his life. I think." Hotch closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Although he was dealing with the fact Reid had gone from their lives it was still hard to be able to talk about him and his suicide. "I think when Spencer had decided to- to end his life he wanted to know that if he failed at his attempt there would be not visible lasting damage. No withdrawals to go through. No scars to hide. With hanging there was a higher chance of success."

Morgan and Hotch both knew what that meant but didn't want to voice it. It meant that if Spencer's neck didn't snap and kill him he would slowly lose oxygen and die that way.

There was silence between the two men both thinking about a good friend that they had lost. "Do you think I'll forget about him?" Morgan whispered so quietly that Hotch was unsure whether or not he was supposed to hear, however that didn't stop him from answering.

"If you ever think, even for a second, that you are forgetting about him, come to me and I'll help you remember all those unique thing that made Spencer- well, Spencer."

At that moment an understanding came over both the agents. Forgetting Spencer would not do, but rather to remember and live with him in memory was the best way forward for both of them.

_"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December"_ – _J.M. Barrie_

**The End**

**So that' that hope you liked it, thanks to everyone who has reviewed. And a big warm thank you once again to RbtlSR.**

**Bye xoxo**


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